how to become your type
i created an erotic initiation for you
There is nothing more erotic than becoming your type. I am opening the School of Erotic Cosmology with The Consecration of the Inner Beloved: A Cosmological Initiation from an Erotic Civilization, a speculative artifact from a divergent realm where Eros is the cosmology.
Once upon a time, about nine years ago, I started my first and last shift as a bartender. A few days before, I protested a summer camp for having children wear imitation Native American regalia. As luck would have it, the people I protested were friends with the bar manager. A couple of them came in while I was tasting beers and cornered me with questions. “I just want to know if you think it was worth me getting doxxed?” “It’s just kids wearing costumes, what is wrong with you?” My new manager looked at me with disgust, “Wow, I’m so disappointed in you.” There I was, ripe for the picking. I nodded and began searching for pomegranate seeds. Being that I was in hell, I knew what to do.
Earlier, the manager had handed me a book he loved and asked me to read it. I checked my bag, said I was going to get some animal-style fries from In-N-Out, asked if they wanted anything, and never came back.
That night, I read a sentence that changed my life.
“we will always be with u. we internalize traits we observe in others as a way to honor and remeber them. we are all living memorials.”
It came from everyone’s a aliebn when ur a aliebn too by Jomny Sun.
Living memorials. It replayed in my mind all week like a ritual instruction. A gift from the dark. I was in bed when I thought, what if I didn’t have to lose all of it?? What if I surrendered more life than the dark asked for?
Over the years, those two words initiated my capacity to sit with grief, life, and love. It terraformed my spiritual landscape. Every person I have ever loved has become part of me. I now negotiate with every loss making sure it takes only what’s absolutely necessary. I made grief a place where life grows.
One day, after reading on the erotic, I thought, if grief could teach me to inherit the dead, desire could teach me to inherit the living. I realized I could become anything that haunted me.
That realization is distilled into initiation and integration in The Consecration of the Inner Beloved. It is the symbolic technology of becoming your type. Across five written and audio transmissions and their accompanying rituals, I guide you through the cosmology of Eros, the psychology of projection, and the practice of becoming equal to what has always eroticized you about others.
Every unforgettable person leaves behind an inheritance. Become the living memorial.
eros, always,
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