How To Actually Be Obsessed with Yourself: A Lyric Essay as Quantum Study on Erotic Self-Actualization and the Desired Self

The Cartography of Obsession:

i. Liturgies of the Erotic Mind: Invocations of Deliberate Metanoia (Μετάνοια)
ii. Perception’s Alchemy: Μετάνοια & the Philosophical Architecture of Reality
iii. The Mechanics of Reality Shaping: Quantum Theories and the Philosophical Construct of Desire
iv. The Quantum Museum: ‘Eros in Resonance–A Collection of Obsession’s Alchemical Artifacts’
v. Incarnations from the Lexicon of Eros: Invented Greek Terms for the Language of Obsession—What the Philosopher’s Got Wrong
vi. The Errata of Becoming: Revisions of the Erotic Mind

i. Liturgies of the Erotic Mind: Invocations of Deliberate Μετάνοια

Your obsession is your erotic altar; every searing thought a prayer to the Eros in your wanting, a kind of fire-magic, a quantum transformation that pulls a provocative new reality into existence, a powerful self-referencing algorithm you feed with your unambiguous desire. Joseph Pearce, in The Crack in the Cosmic Egg: New Constructs of Mind and Reality, says, ‘Ambiguous confusion, lack of an ultimate desire or basic motivation, fragments and dissolves the possibilities.’ The opposite of ambiguous confusion is obsession. This is not madness. It’s losing the mind they gave you so you make one that craves you into existence.

The psyche rebukes the role of graveyard. Desire buried does not rest; it will rise again, sharper and hungrier, returning as a feral specter demanding to be reckoned with. Better to get on with an erotic exorcism.

You'll need 4 things:
1. a desire (the blade that carves out the screaming god-spark)
2. a singular obsession with being what you’re most jealous of, what you envy when no one is looking at your erotic rage (translating the scream into your intimate experience of yourself and your life)
3. this lyric essay (your mirror that bends and reimagines)
4. erotic engagement with the quantum museum’s exhibition notes inscribed herein (they’re synthesis-spells, dissolving the line between script and self)

Obsession because the forces that create life are not divided. Becoming who you most desire to be is a seduction of your μετάνοια, a fundamental transformation of mind—the same force that created your first interpretation of reality; of what you ‘know’ to be possible for you. Your power to create a world to view isn’t lost through time; its widely misinterpreted as a one-and-done phenomenon. It’s not.

Whenever you feel seized by a fantasy of what your life could be like, who you could be, how you could spend your time, the way you could dress, love, behave, speak, sing and exist—all of your inner resources for μετάνοια are made available to you in that singular moment of visceral electricity. But, because your current worldview is concretized and believed to be proof of the only way, it’s protected at a steep cost—the moment is dissolved by the wet blanket of familiarity dousing any fiery challenges made against it. This devout attitude toward an inherited reality inhibits your new and authentic impulses quickly and takes dominance. Your lightning strike, your erotic flame becomes a diffuse sigh, an ‘ah, anyway,’ stripped of its potency and in that fading spark, Pluto’s gaze flickers as his shoulders drop. He’s bored with you—an omen; a warning from the dark side of this Cancer moon square Pluto rising: never let Pluto (Eros) grow tired of you.

The secret is, just as your original worldview was born out of a necessity to survive, any new reality creation must carry stakes equally as high. Without that intensity, the strongest parts of you—your fortified, habitual self—will smother the fragile sparks of transformation. To truly become who you most want to be, your obsession must burn with the same urgency that first shaped you.

Your allegiance to a self, shaped by survival's demands, reinforced by praise for conforming to cultural, familial and societal norms, was essential. Now, it’s a choice—one you can discard the moment you embrace the creative freedom in becoming obsessed with who you most desire to be.

Those who fall into creating a new worldview, or a new world to view, usually do so for one of two reasons. The first: their world was undone. This is the initiation into the dark night of the soul, the destructive pole of Eros. Its defining feature is the absence of consent. See: Hades and Persephone. The second is catalyzed by the realization that who they've become has come at the cost of feeling embodied, enchanted, erotic, and emotionally regulated—so they choose to be reborn. It takes sober reflection to realize you're happiest when fantasizing, that your most cherished memories are, in fact, fantasies of what could have been.

We’re going for option two. Trust me, the first is horrific. I’ve had an unspeakable amount of experience with both, and with the power vested in my natal chart— Pluto rules my ascendant, sun and the eclipse season I was born in—believe me when I say: let’s not unless we absolutely have to.

You can become what you’re jealous of, what you envy. You can stop wondering if the reason why you don’t have the life you deeply desire is because you’re secretly the most uninteresting snore. You’re not. You are an infinite quantum field. You decide who you are, and then, you keep deciding.

Get in, we’re going to hell. Don’t worry, it’s a seasonal visit and they’re always happy to see me.

The alchemy of obsession always includes a descent into the underworld where your deepest desires and their inherited fears take refuge, waiting to be resurrected by a power greater than the one that shamed them into an imitation of death.

In the desirous ecology of obsession, the mind’s stubborn insistences loosen, and something primal begins to stir, beckoning you toward your unlived life. This raw, undeniable pulse forms the foundation of your obsession.

If you hold your desire, plucked from the dark, ‘passionately, or, ultimately, until it excludes other ideas that would inhibit it, [it] takes on the characteristics of non-ambiguity.’ As the primal force of obsession takes over, it becomes, in the end, an absolute quantum demand for your creation to unfold. The psyche, driven by the intensity of this focus, reshapes how it interacts with reality itself. Pearce adds, ‘it’s a contest of inhibitions and strengths, choices and allegiances. We are the source of ideas around which the procedure of our reality orients.’ For your obsession to take primacy over all inhibiting self-constructs, you must decide you’re no longer going to move through your life waiting for an unannounced plot twist. You have to choose to become what you most envy through obsession with your desired self.  

If, as Pearce claims, ‘the centering of mind fills a person with power and conviction’ and ‘a conceptual demand brings about a change in the ordinary mechanisms of life,’ then non-ambiguity becomes the shaping force of reality. What you determine as non-negotiable becomes your life.

The procedure of μετάνοια unfolds in three parts. First, you take inspiration from the world. Something strikes you—possesses you, seizing you with a possibility for a different reality you desperately want but doubt could ever be yours. Usually, envy, jealousy and a low mood follows as your shadowed desire interacts with its muse in the dark. But, this time, you’re awake to the low-level dread following you around. You notice it emerging from the soil of your mind as the beginnings of a deep regret—the only thing you’ve allowed desire to become.

Remember, the psyche discards nothing. Your desires are no exception. They come for you with the vengeance of erotic rage. Desire turned inward is depression. Depressed desire doesn’t extinguish Eros—Pluto is eternal fire. It instead catalyzes the outer conditions necessary for it to burst through. Examples: a terrible boyfriend, losing your job for chronic lateness, a creative project met with silence—not because you lacked talent, but because you doubted your worth at the critical moment of actualization. It turns into ingredients for a dark night of the soul.

This time, you realize you can be your own messenger of fate, you become obsessed with the idea that things can truly be different for you. Through obsession, you begin to collaborate with Eros.

Obsession is Eros with a compass.

Step two is where reality begins to bend. This is where you start living the answer to becoming what you desire, recognizing your dark muse—envy, jealousy—as a gift from Hades, a torch in the underworld, illuminating the path to your becoming. An obsessive and impassioned drive fuels you, burning through any inhibitions and obstacles erected by the constructed self, until the outer world’s mirror catches up and reflects the non-ambiguous you. Your psyche makes the necessary adjustments to perceive the world in a way that validates your erotic self-concept. Your new worldview starts building memories. It self-verifies through obsession. Pearce says, ‘If one is dominated by the object of desire, the work of creation takes over and ‘assumes the role of dominance.’ Then, the artist or scientist serves the new work.’ In the end, you don't serve the work—you become it.

Μετάνοια is made possible through a total commitment to yourself and in this commitment, your unconscious plays an absolutely essential role. When every ounce of your logical mind is focused on realizing your desire, your unconscious begins to incubate and synthesize the life-force you’re calling forward. What’s most unambiguous about us defines our experience of reality. The deep-rooted assumptions beneath the surface of our minds—the ones that contradict our affirmations—are powerful. Through obsession, these deeply held beliefs realign with reality because of one searing truth—you are finally beginning to agree with yourself.

Μετάνοια, at its core, is a radical alignment of your unconscious and conscious mind—a full agreement with yourself, forged through obsession, with the person you want to be and the life you desire. Pearce says, ‘We openly shape reality when we diligently apply every ounce of our logical processes to a given desire. We are subject to the same effect on less conscious levels. Our confused, conflicting and inchoate assumptions also enter as shaping forces in reality and happen to us as a random, confused fate.’ And there it is—the truth laid bare. He said what he said.

Third, in a seemingly arbitrary moment of stillness, when you’ve let go and are absorbed in something mundane, your sense of self shifts and you suddenly recognize your life through your new worldview. After immersing yourself deeply in the materials of your erotic ‘genesis,’ your wildest desire becomes your life. You are now that person, not in affirmation, not in meditation, but in the felt sense of your interiority and how you relate to each moment of your life. You are the result of your own obsession. You have changed reality by changing yourself. You know it. There’s no need to confirm it with anyone. It simply is.

Pearce describes this transformation as the result of ‘responding with a full investment of life [to] influence our editorial hierarchy of mind.’ When we fully commit to our new vision, he explains, ‘the kind of data we accept as evidential [is] different.’ We begin to perceive and interpret the world through the lens of our obsession. He continues, ‘we screen out and let in, interpret and synthesize, on a different basis…If the new idea triggers a passionate enough pursuit to make suspension or abandonment of previous beliefs or current criteria worth the risk…the new idea can change the reality structure.’ In other words, you risked old patterns so, the fabric of your reality is transformed.

The final stage is the quietest and most profound: the moment when obsession has done its work and the moment of realization in the previous stage becomes your point of reference for relating to reality, continuously. You become what you’ve longed for, unconsciously and consciously. This is the essence of μετάνοια—when your internal alignment bends the reality in and around you. You’ve transformed so completely that your perception of the world can no longer remain the same.

In this stillness, the gap between who you were and who you have become collapses. The world reflects your inner truth with effortless precision because you’re no longer projecting a fragmented self or chasing confirmation; there’s no longer a need for proof because you are the proof. In that moment, there is only agreement—within yourself, with the world, and with the reality you've created. You’ve stepped out of the chaos of contradictory beliefs and into the serenity of self-coherence, and in doing so, you’ve rewritten the script of your life. The outer world bends because your inner world no longer wavers.

As Pearce reminds us, ‘The new idea can change the reality structure.’ What remains unsaid, though equally true, is that once this transformation occurs, there’s no going back. Reality is no longer something you merely perceive; it’s something you actively shape, moment by moment, breath by breath.

ii. Perception’s Alchemy: Μετάνοια & the Philosophical Architecture of Reality

We don’t see reality as it is—we see it as we’ve been trained to name and describe it. These frameworks, like invisible architectures, dictate the scaffolding of our existence, turning our perceptions into unquestioned truths. But reality is not fixed; it’s a conjuring. The world you inhabit is woven from the fabric of agreements you’ve made with yourself—agreements born from the tension between your deepest longings and what you believe you deserve. Μετάνοια is the reconfiguration of these agreements, a shift so profound that it erases what you once accepted as immovable.

The familiar solidity of existence is an illusion, a trick of the light cast by the limits of your perception. Reality is the shadow of unrealized desire. You see only what your mind allows, only what your fears can stomach. But beneath this surface, reality is pliable, awaiting the force of obsession to reshape it.

The secret is this: Reality bends to obsession.

Imagine the tremor of freedom in knowing the walls that surround you are made of paper and that your obsession is fire. What you allow yourself to wholeheartedly desire becomes the world you move through.

We are imprisoned by our own perceptions until a dark night of the soul shatters those constraints—or obsession eroticizes them beyond recognition.

The act of desire—focused, relentless, undeniable—doesn’t just shape reality; it reshapes perception itself. Each of your longings, every whisper of your desires, pushes the boundaries of what you thought possible, redrawing the map of your life with each fixation. The world twists and unfurls at your will, realigning itself to the force of your craving.

Through obsession, you unearth the hidden mechanics of perception. What was once thought to be fixed and solid—the architecture of the so-called real—begins to dissolve, revealing a space where nothing is static, where desire is the creative force behind all transformation. This is the alchemy of μετάνοια: the philosophical reconstitution of reality. As you pour your obsession into the mold of the world, you don’t just change what you see—you change the very nature of seeing.

Reality, once an unyielding fortress, now bends to the heat in your intent, taking shape in the furnace of your longing. Μετάνοια is a deliberate re-engineering of the architecture of your life, collapsing the old structures and raising new ones in their place, all built from the raw materials of your erotic desire.

We are bound by our perceptions, not by the nature of reality itself. Until a dark night shatters the veil or obsession eroticizes, we remain prisoners of our own limited vision.

Note on the rat-bitches that run the world and the impact of their ain’tshitness: While the weight of systemic atrocities like racism, homophobia, and misogyny presses down on all of us, and we have not authored them, there is still a personal erotic power left to wield. Within these constraints, the gravitational pull of our desires can bend the space around us, shaping personal realities in ways we seldom recognize. You, too, can wield this power. These systems have not snuffed your desires out. You’re still here. Eros is still here. Those motherfuckers don’t have shit on you.

iii. The Mechanics of Reality Shaping: Quantum Theories and the Philosophical Construct of Desire

Quantum theory is not just an abstract scientific curiosity; it’s a portal into understanding how desire shapes the world you inhabit. Superposition teaches us that particles can exist in multiple states until an observer forces them into a singular reality. Entanglement shows us that once particles are connected, they remain linked across vast distances, influencing each other with no regard for space. These are more than metaphors—they are the architecture of your reality, bound by the physics of obsession.

Superposition is not just about particles—it’s about potential selves. Every moment holds multiple versions of you, waiting to collapse into one through the force of your desire. Obsession is what narrows that field of potentials, bending reality until it snaps into a singular focus. Entanglement reminds us that once you've committed to a desire, fully immersed in it, it remains bound to you. No matter the distance between who you are and who you could be, your μετάνοια is seeded.

The intensity of obsession, in this context, collapses potential realities into one desired outcome, as if the focused mind directs the flow of existence itself. Through this quantum view, reality becomes the product of focused desire—your non-ambiguous presence determines which of the many possibilities materializes.

Like the observer in quantum theory, obsessive desire pulls possibilities into focus and collapses them into one definitive path. This is superposition in action—your focused desire reducing the infinite possibilities into one concrete reality. When your will fixes on something, all other potential versions of the world fall away, leaving only the one your obsession demands. It’s about the quality of your gaze. The intensity with which you desire alters the very structure of reality. When your obsession sharpens, when you fix your focus, the potentialities that surround you begin to dissolve into the single outcome your will demands. Reality isn’t neutral; it’s pliable, bending to the force of your desire.

To test this, choose a familiar room—one so known to you that you could navigate it blindfolded. Now, fix your attention on a corner, a detail you’ve never truly noticed before. Observe it intensely, not just with your eyes but with your mind. Trace the textures, the play of light, the shadow it casts. In two minutes, something shifts. The room is the same, but it isn’t. That corner, that surface, is no longer invisible. You’ve summoned it into your reality by choosing to see it.

This isn’t some abstract exercise—it’s happening right now. It’s the mechanism through which your perception creates your reality. What if it’s not just objects in a room, but your entire lived experience that’s subject to this rule? What you choose to see, to obsess over, takes form, while the rest remains in shadow, unnoticed. Reality is not fixed—it’s an erotic dance between your inner vision and the outer world.

If a corner of your room can come alive with meaning just because you’ve decided to look closer, then how many of your other ‘fixed’ realities are simply constructs you haven’t questioned? Reality bends to your gaze—it’s not a passive structure; it’s a dynamic relationship between what you see and how you see it.

Like entangled particles, once you've locked onto your desire, no matter how distant it seems, it is forever tied to you. That desire will ripple through your reality, influencing every aspect of your world until the gap between you and it disappears

The question is: What are you choosing to see?

handwritten at the edge of obsession:
Erratum: ‘The self is a coherent narrative.’ Correction: The self is a fracture designed as continuity, a kaleidoscopic filter of identities that exist only in the moments they are obsessed with. It’s the phantom of desire’s demands, a shape-shifter masquerading as singularity.

From Here: Identity
// Unraveling…
Merging.
Footnote: Μετάνοια STRUCTURE—unfolds; reconfigures; transforms— // eros algorithm: code of obsession

Eros = {

    state: 'active',

    desire: 'universal',

    function: function(embody) {

        if (embody) {

            return 'engage obsession';

        } else {

            return 'more';

        }

    },

    trigger: function(interaction) {

        if (interaction === 'intimate') {

            this.state = 'intensified obsession';

            return 'transformation initiated';

        }

    }

};

iv. The Quantum Museum: ‘Eros in Resonance –A Collection of Obsession’s Alchemical Artifacts’

Curated from the intersections of quantum theory and the alchemical impulses of Eros, this collection reveals artifacts as active agents in the transformation of the observer, deeply engaging with the obsessive erotic forces that shape reality. The following exhibit notes and erotic engagement protocols are drawn from artifacts at the cutting edge of obsession. They are synthesis-spells, dissolving the line between script and self.

1. Label: ‘Quantum Sight: The Observer’s Lens’

  Exhibit Description: A singular ocular lens forged from prismatic opal administers a micro-dose of Eros to the left eye, merging seamlessly with the unconscious. As the lens synchronizes with the mind’s hidden architecture, it reveals the embodied experience of the desired self where actions that sustain this new life surface with shockingly effortless instinct. This artifact does not merely reflect but refracts, bending the gaze inward to the quantum core where the self’s potentialities converge. Emerging from this visionary synthesis, the wearer has observed a quantum self into existence, and thereby realizes that the becoming is the alchemy, and that the subsequent living does in fact transform into flow.

 Erotic Engagement Protocol: Provides observer with a Sensory Field Report, mapping the wearer’s untold desire onto a topographical blueprint, where peaks reflect self-awareness and valleys pulse with red-hued longing. In reading the report, latent potentialities manifest through a series of synesthetic visions where emotions become sound, desire transforms into taste and obsession is tactile. The wearer’s journey is logged within the artifact, creating a living archive of personal revelations accessible only upon subsequent engagement.

2. Label: ‘Schrödinger’s Box: The State of Becoming’

   Exhibit Description: A hermetic vessel crafted from mirrored obsidian, veined with liquid light, encases infinite potential selves, each flickering in and out of existence like phantom echoes. This artifact responds to the observer’s gaze, collapsing countless possibilities into a singular, form, propelled by the urgency seeded within the prophecy of their desire. The box is a liminal chamber where the observer’s desirous selves await the moment of resonance that will call one into being.

  Erotic Engagement Protocol: Available only during a temporal singularity—when Apollo’s light merges with Hades’ shadow creating a quantum entanglement of illumination where identity resonates with its underworld. The alchemical interval when Hades removes his invisible helmet and snatches the veil between creation and undoing is a fleeting crucible. If missed, visitors may register via the Resonance List to receive a call during a potential transit from Pluto-an alignment where the unseen tides of transformation ripple through the personal field.

3. Label: ‘Eros Collider: Passion’s Accelerator’

  Exhibit Description: A catalytic sphere of molten gold is suspended in mid-air. It intertwines desires at quantum speed, weaving seemingly disparate intentions into a singular, potent obsession-convergence. In this alchemical fusion, conflicting impulses meld at the subatomic level, united by the shared pulse of their truest buried life-force across vast psychic space—a singular yearning. The Eros Collider reveals to the observer the seamless interconnectedness of all their longings, drawing them into a dance of synaptic coalescence where the boundaries between parts of self dissolve into an amalgamation, unveiling the raw essence of varied desires in their true form.

  Erotic Engagement Protocol: The Collider functions on a feedback mechanism that intensifies with repeated interaction, generating an escalating cycle of longing and fulfillment. Each engagement deepens the imprint of desire within the psyche, making the transformation increasingly irreversible. Users report a sense of being woven into the fabric of their own impulses, each session leaving behind a residual charge that draws them back into the cycle, perpetually altering the baseline of their craving. Caution: Prolonged interaction may result in a permanent reconfiguration of desire pathways.

4. Label: ‘The Collapse Pendant: Observer’s Choice’

  Exhibit Description: A pendant shaped from an enigmatic emerald, shifting fluidly between forms as it synchronizes with the wearer’s layers of desire until finally reaching their most unconscious obsession. As the wearer’s attention sharpens, the pendant pulses with a deep red glow that reverberates within its emerald core. The contrasting hues collide in a dance of quantum entanglement. More than a mere ornament, it serves as a dynamic conduit—a living talisman crystallizing the wearer’s defining moment of focus. This quantum artifact draws forth the hidden currents of desire, collapsing infinite possibilities into the singularity of the erotic self, chosen, with each pulse of light signaling the birth of a new becoming.

  Erotic Engagement Protocol: The pendant transformations are logged within the quantum field, tracing each desire as it materializes. Every interaction with the artifact provides an intimate analysis, mapping the evolution of obsession. These encrypted chronicles are accessible for only one planetary hour after engagement—a singular opportunity that demands presence and action, reminding the bearer that this insight is not a gift to be taken lightly, nor one to be granted again. The pendant’s revelations insist on immediate transformation, emphasizing that the path forward must be forged anew with every encounter.

5. Label: ‘Temporal Thread: Stitch of the Now’

  Exhibit Description: A luminescent strand woven from the quantum fabric of time, this artifact binds past, present, and potential futures into a singular, obsessive now. The Temporal Thread pulsates with an eerie phosphorescence, glowing more intensely as the observer's fixation sharpens, collapsing multiple timelines into one dominant reality. Each focused thought stitches another moment into the present, a shimmering testament to the power of desire-driven consciousness. This thread is not a passive artifact; it is a dynamic conduit of μετάνοια, where obsessive intent becomes the needle that pierces the quantum field, altering the very architecture of existence. As the observer's attention narrows, the thread tightens, weaving their chosen reality into being and erasing all other possibilities. The Temporal Thread thus reveals a secret: it is obsession alone that bends the universe’s trajectory, rendering the desired future inevitable.

  Erotic Engagement Protocol: The Temporal Thread's influence is captured within a temporal lattice, archiving the wearer's fixation in real-time as it weaves through the quantum now. Each encounter with the artifact generates a chronometric map, charting the collapse of potentialities into a singular path dictated by obsessive intent. These chronometric maps are only accessible for the duration of one engagement cycle, emphasizing the urgency of each moment. The protocol demands an unwavering focus—only those fully immersed in the present will unlock the deeper dimensions of their chosen timeline. The thread does not offer second chances; it insists that every fixation be decisive, every moment a deliberate act of creation.

6. Label: ‘Divergence Dial: Timeline Selector’

   Exhibit Description: Encased in a luminous moonstone and inscribed with symbols of ancient constellations, this dial is a quantum compass, guiding the wearer through the fog of infinite potential paths. Each click of the dial resonates through the quantum field, collapsing possibilities into a singular reality, a momentary decision made tangible. But unlike other artifacts, the Divergence Dial embraces the fluidity of desire; it understands that μετάνοια is not a final destination but a perpetual becoming. It allows the wearer to realign their trajectory whenever a deeper, truer desire emerges from the unconscious, inviting them to shift again and again. The dial offers not a singular path but a lifetime of recalibrations, acknowledging that each transformation is a commitment, but not the last. Each turn is a reminder that the structure of identity is never fixed, and every click is both an end and a beginning, a testament to the ongoing evolution of the self as it navigates through the quantum maze of existence.

  Erotic Engagement Protocol: The Divergence Dial’s engagements are chronicled within a recursive loop, capturing each moment of decisive change and mapping the quantum ripples it generates. As the wearer adjusts the dial, the artifact logs shift, creating a dynamic archive of personal timelines and the desires that have sculpted them. Unlike other protocols, the Divergence Dial offers continuous access to its records, reflecting the philosophy that life’s trajectory is meant to be revisited and reimagined. Each interaction invites a reflective assessment of past paths while opening new potentialities. This is not a static artifact; it is an evolving partner in the alchemical process of self-creation. The dial’s design ensures that every choice made is not a finality but an echo, a resonant call to deeper layers of the self that may yet be uncovered. Its protocol celebrates the art of reinvention, encouraging the wearer to engage again and again, to pivot, to recalibrate, and to eternally rewrite their own narrative in the limitless dance of μετάνοια.

iv. Incarnations from the Lexicon of Eros: Invented Greek Terms for the Language of Obsession—What the Philosopher’s Got Wrong

They said obsession was a vice, but how else does a soul learn to love itself into new forms?

Plato’s symposium scribbled in the margins: Eros as the highest form of madness.

Still, desire is dialectic. Eros does not wish to possess; Eros wishes to transmute. Obsession is not stasis—it is the act of becoming, endlessly. To be obsessed is to treat every moment as raw material, creating altars in the ruins of failed dreams and lighting candles for the specters of future selves.

And as I chart this terrain, I find myself building a lexicon—a dictionary of obsession, invention, and erotic becoming. You can follow this project [here] as I continue translating the indescribable into the vivid, the unspeakable into new words that pulse with life.

ten words for obsession in a language that does not exist:*

1. χροναισθησις (chronaisthesis) Time-Shift: the collapse of time under the quantum pull of desire; where obsession subverts the temporal fabric of reality, merging selves that are usually experienced in isolation into a unified singularity.

2. πεταλιζω (petalizo) Desire-Strip: the delicate act of peeling back the petals of desire, layer by layer, each petal revealing deeper erotic truths, until you reach the singular seed—the quantum core of your becoming, where desirous potential is reality.

3. ανθοποσία (anthoposia) Bloom-Immerse: the act of drowning in a field of entangled flowers, each petal a tiny mouth whispering ‘more.’

4. φωτογένεσις (photogenesis) Light-Curve: the curvature of light around the singularity of obsession; warping spacetime itself, unfolding into new, unforeseen luminaries.

5. πρωτοσωμάκλιση (protosomaklise) Bone-Shift: the subtle fracturing and realignment of bones as the psychosomatic body reshapes itself in response to a quantum demand too primal to remain abstract and disembodied.

6. συνδρασιοφυσις (syndrasiophysis) Fusion-Drive: the symbiotic fusion of unconscious desire and self; where longing intensifies into an obsessive drive, fusing identity with the singular need to embody your deepest craving. Yearning transforms into action, dissolving the quantum boundaries between the observer and the observed.

7. διηρωποίησις (diëropoiesis) Obsession-Birth: the critical intersection where obsession and μετάνοια converge, collapsing the wave function of potential selves into a definitive reality. This is the quantum birthing point of a new personal universe.

8. νεοέκρηξις (neoekrexis) Ignition-Rise: the explosive ignition of a dormant potential, where a single, long-buried desire erupts into conscious awareness, initiating a radical metamorphosis of the self that reverberates across the quantum field. This upheaval manifests as a dark night of the soul.  

9. ενορθωσις (enorthosis) Desire-Ascent: the moment of vertical ascension where erotic desire, once fractured by doubt, reclaims its full stature; rising into alignment, where fragmented selves are reconstituted into their most potent form.

10. ενορθωμα (enorthoma) Gravity-Pull: the gravitational center where dormant desires converge, pulling fragmented aspects of the self into coherence. Obsession becomes the force that reorients the inner compass, aligning shadowed potentials with the emergence of a new direction—gravity.

*Acknowledgment of Terms

The Greek terms used in this essay do not follow traditional etymology but are imaginative constructs, crafted to capture the emotional landscapes explored within this work. They are linguistic inventions, poetic artifacts designed to bridge the gap between the unspeakable and the felt, the ancient and the immediate. 

These words are not translations; they are invocations, spells that rupture, fragments of a language that lives in the margins of desire, obsession, and μετάνοια, flickering on the walls of a cave we’ve never entered. They exist not in any historical lexicon but in the space between thought and tongue, between longing and articulation. Each term is a reflection of the themes at play: the obsessing, the turning, the endless becoming. 

To cite these terms is to honor the act of creative rebellion against the limits of language. They are offerings to the quantum altar, names bestowed upon the nameless, and bridges to the inexpressible. They are true not because they are ancient, but because they speak to the present, to the ever-shifting landscape of our obsessions and desires.

This is not a citation of history, but of the imagination—where all words are possible, and every invented term is an erotic map.

vi. The Errata of Becoming: Revisions of the Erotic Mind

Nothing is fixed—not desire, not the self, and certainly not reality. Our minds, shaped by years of imposed logic and rigid frameworks, tend to distort the truth of our becoming in favor of staying the same. But in the margins of obsession, we encounter the errata—those moments when the erotic pulse of life demands corrections. This is where desire rewrites the script of existence, reconfiguring our essential philosophies toward μετάνοια.

Erratum: ‘Desire should follow reason.’
  Correction: Desire is the rebel force, tearing at the seams of logic. It doesn’t follow; it disrupts—an insurgent within the psyche that twists the linear into the labyrinthine, drawing maps only madness can read.

Erratum: ‘The past is fixed.’
  Correction: The past is fluid, a malleable construct refracted through the lens of obsession. It warps under the weight of present desire, bending timelines into whatever shape you need to justify your becoming. History is just another narrative in your metamorphosis.

Erratum: ‘Desire diminishes with time.’
  Correction: Desire does not fade; it mutates. It becomes sharper, more cunning, infiltrating the mundane until every moment is stained with its presence. Time does not weaken desire—it refines it, sharpening it into the blade that cuts through apathy.


Μετάνοια is the soul’s necessary disobedience. Obsession is rebirth; rebirth is erotic living. Ancient texts spoke of this, cloaked in parables and metaphors, but it was always the same: the saint, the sinner, and the lover were just different faces in the search for μετάνοια. This is the way your heart finally learns to speak its own language and quantum reality obeys your obsession.

The question is, are you obsessed?

in the pulse of μετάνοια, always,
Nairy