a poet’s dictionary definitions

+ how I find out what a word means

I’ve been thinking about how easy it is for us to think about an emotion or emotional event while believing we’re feeling our feelings since our thoughts make us feel anxious. Because it hurts less to think about a painful emotion than it does to feel it in the body physically, we go off to the discos (my cute little name for dissociation), also known as the mind, in this case.

Psychology would say we’re “somaticizing our emotions” when we talk about how our bodies are impacted by emotional pain. This is how you know psyche –which originally meant soul—has, in too many places, left the field of psychology. This is especially true when it comes to the intellectualization of all of it also known as the schooling it takes to become a therapist or psychologist.

Capitalism would say, monetize the act of staying present or call it a waste of time.

The patriarchy would say, we’ll burn you at the stake.

You cannot burn a fire. Check your fire houses in your natal chart to see where presence is most easily accessible to you. This depends on aspects, etc, but it’s a good start. Then, check for planets in their home signs.

True magic is always right now. Your present attention is your most powerful spell. Companies pay billions for it. Patriarchal men and women find it threatening. Even psychology is barely catching up to incorporating somatic practices into talk-therapy.

Presence lives in the body as do our emotions and it includes the expectation that our own continuous tenderness toward our hearts and bodies is required if we’re going to be here now. Emotional presence is a vulnerability in this world and if we try to stay here without a sense of fierce softness toward ourselves, we’ll just keep leaving.

Tenderness, in this way, reminds me of the labs attached to high school and college bio classes or practicums for those seeking licensure in various fields. It’s the part where you do the thing. The mind is where you learn theory about the thing and think thoughts about doing the thing but thinking is decidedly not feeling (which is doing the thing). Even intuition, which can be an insight via a thought or a gut-feeling in the body, interrupts usual thinking.

The skills of distress tolerance are priceless in the pursuit of presence. How else are we going to stay here? This world?? It’s not sustainable with no plan on how to do it. Becoming present is one thing but staying present is an entirely different thing. There’s a reason we leave to the mind. Warsan Shire once wrote, “No-one leaves home unless home is the mouth of a shark…No-one puts their child in a boat unless the water is safer than the land.” This is what we do with our most tender part of ourselves, the one that feels, when we live in a world that is painful, collectively and/or personally.

Coming back home is a heroine/hero’s journey. It’s one we take when we’re ready to face the dragons that chased us away. It’s the one where we emotionally learn how to stay with what hurts long enough for it to change into wisdom, in the body.

The body is the oldest part of us while also being the youngest. It is your ancient child, animated by your emotions.

This was the process of how I came to the definition of presence which is, voracious tenderness.

There is no half-assing it. To live a life of presence is to not only do it on purpose but to be hungry for it. To let the hunger be louder than the pain. To say, “I live here.” To claim life and then go about doing just that.

Lift each head of every hydra into the sunlight or risk a life in the dark before it’s time.

Stay tender.

Below are this month’s definitions. Included are definitions for each of the zodiac signs.

I have three sliding scale slots still available for Jungian natal chart readings. Book here.

Definitions

Liar: The one who wears craters like the moon and flickers like a streetlamp when I tell them, ‘I’ve been to your home.’ Not everyone lost is beautiful. Some people just want to be gazed at. It helps them feel still inside.

Tenderness: Voracious presence.

Body: Your ancient child, animated by your emotions.

Anxiety (antonym): Intuition.